Thursday, August 27, 2015

The Enemy of Good


"Don't let Perfect be the enemy of Good."

This phrase seems to be popping into my brain fairly often these days.  Sort of a like a mantra.  "Don't let perfect be the enemy of good..."  It seems to apply to so many different situations and yet it seems to be an area in which I am so severely lacking (even in this, I am hard on myself!  Oh, the irony!). 

As I recently turned 30 (and by "recently" I mean about a year and some change ago...), I am realizing that I cannot and don't really WANT to eat the same way that I used to.  I spent most of my twenties housing pizzas and noodles and cookies and margaritas like it was my job and was still able to stay slim and trim. Only now, I am finding that a rockin' bod and tip top health/wellness aren't quite so inevitable.  I've been working on eating cleaner and more whole foods, but it is really hard to change old habits.  I know that this is true for a lot of people.  I often do so well during most of the day, but I find it so hard to be perfect.  I ruin it by getting drinks with friends...or giving into that slice of pie at Martha's Bakery...or treating myself to some Mac and Cheese and wine for a night in.  DAMMIT.  I just can't seem to have any sort of willpower.  

I clean my whole apartment.  I take a whole day to tidy up, clean the bathroom, wash the floors, dust, organize, and get rid of clutter.  I stand there and proudly look at my magazine ready home and I think "I'm gonna always keep it this clean.  If I clean up a little every night, it will always stay perfect..."  And then life gets in the way and I get busy or I get lazy and my laundry overflows and my mail piles up and I forget to make my bed and little by little it's back to square one.  And I feel bad, because my apartment is never going to look like a magazine picture.  

I learned to meditate last year with Ziva Meditation, and come to think of it, this is one of the places that this phrase has popped up for me.  With this practice, one meditates twice a day, every day for 20 minutes.  And for about 3 months, I was close to flawless.  Close to perfect.  And then I went to Illinois for a gig and I wasn't living alone anymore and I didn't have my normal schedule and it became easier and easier to skip meditations, til it had been a week or more since the last time that I "got to the chair".  FAIL.  

I make mistakes in relationships that I've made a thousand times before.

I spend money that I shouldn't have spent.

I get to an audition only to wish that I had prepared more.

I try and try to be kinder, only to snap at a well meaning friend. 

I fail and I fail and I fail and I fail.

And I feel bad about myself.  

But why do I feel so bad about myself??  Why, when I keep trying?  I may give in and have a fatty day, but that doesn't negate all of the brussels sprout and greek yogurt and veggie burgers I've eaten.  I may have slipped up in my meditation, but that doesn't mean that I haven't gotten any benefits already or that I can't start again and recommit.  I can prepare for an audition as much as possible, but that doesn't mean that my performance is going to be without mistakes.  

The idea of "perfection" is great for which to strive.  But not if it's going to inescapably cause us to feel like we are failing because that allows us to overlook the progress that we really are making.  If I set out to exercise every day and I miss a day, do those other work out sessions not count?  NO!  It is still way better than nothing and if we quit because we are so discouraged over our "failure" we get just that.  We get NOTHING.  So I welcome this quote rolling through my brain in those frustrating times when I am getting down on myself for making mistakes and misteps..."Don't let Perfect be the enemy of Good." Cause perfection is no fun anyway :)

 And all of this reminds me of another favorite quote of mine, by Ralph Waldo Emerson...

"Finish each day and be done with it.
You have done what you could.
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day.
You shall begin is serenely and with too high a spirit
to be encumbered with you old nonsense."

-e


Tuesday, August 18, 2015

Family

Today I flew back to NYC after spending a couple of months at Ryan and Sadie's in Illinois.  I have to say, I felt a bit sad looking out the window of the plane waiting to take off.  I had such a great summer and although I knew I would enjoy being home for the summer, I just didn't expect it to work out so perfectly and wonderfully.  My sister-in-law, Sadie posted the sweetest blog post today and it surprised me and utterly made my day.  The whole time I felt like I was the one that was getting the sweet deal!  I felt like I was so lucky that they offered to let me live there for 2 months....that's a pretty big imposition on my part!  And I was so, so happy to get to spend time with both of them and my niece, Abby, as well as welcoming my niece, Hazel, who was born midway through! They would joked about me being the "live-in nanny", but I was so happy to spend time with them and it never once felt like a "duty".  More than anything, I was nervous that I would be underfoot all the time or they would get annoyed with me!

Let's talk about how awesome my nieces are.  Abby is the funniest, sweetest, chattiest, most imaginative little girl.  Even at her "terrible three's" sassiest, she is such a delight.  When she got her new swing set, she told me "Daddy made this!  This is the best swing set ever! This is my favorite!"  She exhibits such joy at seeing the people she loves...Mommy, Grandma, Bubby, Daddy, Grandpa, Pappa...and even Auntie Erin.  She is so smart!  And even though Hazel is just a few weeks old still, she is so fun to be around.  Such a good baby!  So content and snuggle-y!  I always wanted to hold her...I can't wait til we can play together and laugh together.  I can't wait to see what she is like...

And it was so nice getting to spend time with Sadie. Getting to know each other on a different level that has nothing to do with my brother or my nieces.  I feel like I made a friend that was beyond family.  Luckily, it is a relationship that doesn't need to end just because I am not longer living there... whether it is figuring out a new knitting pattern, watching bad TV, planning family events, laughing about the kids, talking about life...

I also got to do some "family" things that I have often missed out on.  I got to go on the cousins camping trip and spend time with a bunch of my favorite people and also attend my nieces' Christening/Birthday Party extravaganza.  It often feels like I don't get to participate in those things, like I am on the outside looking in. I miss out a lot and I felt so happy (weirdly happy?) to just be included.

So, thank you, Ryan and Sadie...for all of your beer that I drank, for all of the dinners you cooked me, for including me, and letting me be a part of your family.  Words can't express my gratitude.  You guys are stuck with me now. :)  (I'll be back!)

-e