The Enemy of Good

"Don't let Perfect be the enemy of Good."

This phrase seems to be popping into my brain fairly often these days.  Sort of a like a mantra.  "Don't let perfect be the enemy of good..."  It seems to apply to so many different situations and yet it seems to be an area in which I am so severely lacking (even in this, I am hard on myself!  Oh, the irony!). 

As I recently turned 30 (and by "recently" I mean about a year and some change ago...), I am realizing that I cannot and don't really WANT to eat the same way that I used to.  I spent most of my twenties housing pizzas and noodles and cookies and margaritas like it was my job and was still able to stay slim and trim. Only now, I am finding that a rockin' bod and tip top health/wellness aren't quite so inevitable.  I've been working on eating cleaner and more whole foods, but it is really hard to change old habits.  I know that this is true for a lot of people.  I often do so well during most of the day, but I find it so hard to be perfect.  I ruin it by getting drinks with friends...or giving into that slice of pie at Martha's Bakery...or treating myself to some Mac and Cheese and wine for a night in.  DAMMIT.  I just can't seem to have any sort of willpower.  

I clean my whole apartment.  I take a whole day to tidy up, clean the bathroom, wash the floors, dust, organize, and get rid of clutter.  I stand there and proudly look at my magazine ready home and I think "I'm gonna always keep it this clean.  If I clean up a little every night, it will always stay perfect..."  And then life gets in the way and I get busy or I get lazy and my laundry overflows and my mail piles up and I forget to make my bed and little by little it's back to square one.  And I feel bad, because my apartment is never going to look like a magazine picture.  

I learned to meditate last year with Ziva Meditation, and come to think of it, this is one of the places that this phrase has popped up for me.  With this practice, one meditates twice a day, every day for 20 minutes.  And for about 3 months, I was close to flawless.  Close to perfect.  And then I went to Illinois for a gig and I wasn't living alone anymore and I didn't have my normal schedule and it became easier and easier to skip meditations, til it had been a week or more since the last time that I "got to the chair".  FAIL.  

I make mistakes in relationships that I've made a thousand times before.

I spend money that I shouldn't have spent.

I get to an audition only to wish that I had prepared more.

I try and try to be kinder, only to snap at a well meaning friend. 

I fail and I fail and I fail and I fail.

And I feel bad about myself.  

But why do I feel so bad about myself??  Why, when I keep trying?  I may give in and have a fatty day, but that doesn't negate all of the brussels sprout and greek yogurt and veggie burgers I've eaten.  I may have slipped up in my meditation, but that doesn't mean that I haven't gotten any benefits already or that I can't start again and recommit.  I can prepare for an audition as much as possible, but that doesn't mean that my performance is going to be without mistakes.  

The idea of "perfection" is great for which to strive.  But not if it's going to inescapably cause us to feel like we are failing because that allows us to overlook the progress that we really are making.  If I set out to exercise every day and I miss a day, do those other work out sessions not count?  NO!  It is still way better than nothing and if we quit because we are so discouraged over our "failure" we get just that.  We get NOTHING.  So I welcome this quote rolling through my brain in those frustrating times when I am getting down on myself for making mistakes and misteps..."Don't let Perfect be the enemy of Good." Cause perfection is no fun anyway :)

 And all of this reminds me of another favorite quote of mine, by Ralph Waldo Emerson...

"Finish each day and be done with it.

You have done what you could.

Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in;

forget them as soon as you can.

Tomorrow is a new day.

You shall begin is serenely and with too high a spirit

to be encumbered with you old nonsense."

-e

Family

Today I flew back to NYC after spending a couple of months at Ryan and Sadie's in Illinois.  I have to say, I felt a bit sad looking out the window of the plane waiting to take off.  I had such a great summer and although I knew I would enjoy being home for the summer, I just didn't expect it to work out so perfectly and wonderfully.  My sister-in-law, Sadie posted the sweetest blog post today and it surprised me and utterly made my day.  The whole time I felt like I was the one that was getting the sweet deal!  I felt like I was so lucky that they offered to let me live there for 2 months....that's a pretty big imposition on my part!  And I was so, so happy to get to spend time with both of them and my niece, Abby, as well as welcoming my niece, Hazel, who was born midway through! They would joked about me being the "live-in nanny", but I was so happy to spend time with them and it never once felt like a "duty".  More than anything, I was nervous that I would be underfoot all the time or they would get annoyed with me!

Let's talk about how awesome my nieces are.  Abby is the funniest, sweetest, chattiest, most imaginative little girl.  Even at her "terrible three's" sassiest, she is such a delight.  When she got her new swing set, she told me "Daddy made this!  This is the best swing set ever! This is my favorite!"  She exhibits such joy at seeing the people she loves...Mommy, Grandma, Bubby, Daddy, Grandpa, Pappa...and even Auntie Erin.  She is so smart!  And even though Hazel is just a few weeks old still, she is so fun to be around.  Such a good baby!  So content and snuggle-y!  I always wanted to hold her...I can't wait til we can play together and laugh together.  I can't wait to see what she is like...

And it was so nice getting to spend time with Sadie. Getting to know each other on a different level that has nothing to do with my brother or my nieces.  I feel like I made a friend that was beyond family.  Luckily, it is a relationship that doesn't need to end just because I am not longer living there... whether it is figuring out a new knitting pattern, watching bad TV, planning family events, laughing about the kids, talking about life...

I also got to do some "family" things that I have often missed out on.  I got to go on the cousins camping trip and spend time with a bunch of my favorite people and also attend my nieces' Christening/Birthday Party extravaganza.  It often feels like I don't get to participate in those things, like I am on the outside looking in. I miss out a lot and I felt so happy (weirdly happy?) to just be included.

So, thank you, Ryan and Sadie...for all of your beer that I drank, for all of the dinners you cooked me, for including me, and letting me be a part of your family.  Words can't express my gratitude.  You guys are stuck with me now. :)  (I'll be back!)

-e

A Procrastinator's Update

For a second, I was scared that my last post was when I wrote about New Year's Resolutions.  Now that ISN'T true (phew!) and I was so proud of myself...until I realized that my NY Resolution blog wasn't posted until March. MARCH!! Ha! I have a problem and it is called procrastination.

I can't tell you how many times the phrase "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." runs through my mind during my daily life.  I always have the best plans, ranging from volunteering in my community more...to throwing out that unidentified left-over in the back of the fridge...to sending a birthday card to a friend, and I'm ashamed to say that it often doesn't happen or happens waaaaayy later than it needs to.  

Don't be scared.  This post today is not as deep as it sounds.  It's just a few things that have been going on the past couple of months that I haven't jotted down because...procrastination.  And by the numbers...because I do love a list! :)

1.  I am an Auntie again!  I have loved being Auntie Erin to my awesome almost 3 year old niece, Abby.  And I am so very excited to add another little girl to the mix.  Hazel Frances McGrath was born on July 29th and she is wonderful!  It's hard to remember Abby ever being that tiny.  I've been staying with Ryan and Sadie and fam while I'm in town and I feel so lucky to be spending time with all of them.  It's a luxury that isn't often afforded to me since I'm usually all the way on the East Coast.  So hand over that crying baby, make room for two in that kiddie pool, and crack open another beer ("One for the ditch!") - I'm loving it all!!  Which brings me to...

2.  Only three weeks left of City of Angels!! I can't believe that this show has flown by so fast.  Already 6 weeks in and only 3 to go.  What a fun show to be a part of; a musical I have wanted to do for years now.  I'm so proud of what we have put together and so happy to have met the wonderful people that I share the stage with night after night.  And my track in the show is a cake walk....one song, no dancing, not even appearing on stage til 45 minutes in!  I'm getting spoiled.  This kind of career has it's ups and downs, but sometimes I sit at my dressing room station and feel like the luckiest girl in the world, getting to play pretend for a living.  I have to make a note to soundly enjoy the rest of this run as much as possible.

3.  The Blackhawks won another Stanley Cup!!!  Yay!!!!! ANOTHER one!  I'm pretty pumped to have been able to actually be in Chicago for this one, even if I did have to brave a monsoon to get to Trophy Room that night.  This hockey club reminds me so much of the old Bulls Dynasty of my youth...how it energized the city and gave everyone in and around Chicago something to look forward to and believe in.  I think that that is one of the best things about sports....but that is something I won't get into quite yet.  My sports obsession may need it's own post!  

4.  My Bahstie Bahst, Sarah, and her husband, Nick, are on TV!!!!  A few months ago, HGTV whisked them off to an unknown location to film and unknown series and now we are FINALLY getting to see what they are up to!  They are on this great show called "Beach Flip" where they are competing against other teams to see who can flip their beach house, room by room, for the most profit! They are two episodes in right now and I am SO SO proud of them!!  I will never forget a conversation I had with Sarah a couple of years ago when we were both out of work actors.  She said to me - "I just want to find another passion that I can somehow make into a career, but all I want to do is make my house pretty and organize things."  Well, girl...you are a professional organizer who is building a business with your husband in real estate and design while promoting a show on HGTV.  I guess that that's what they mean about putting something out in the Universe!  Can't wait to watch the rest of the season!!  You guys have come so far!  And stay tuned for my OTHER Bahst, Lindsey, to make her reality TV debut later this summer... #famousbyassociation

5.  I have watched ALL of "Game of Thrones", "The Jinx", and "True Detective" in the past 6 weeks.  My crowning achievements...don't hate!  And I plan to keep going.  Just have to decide which rabbit hole to dive into next... Suggestions???

6.  I have finished two knitting projects that I am really proud of!  See?? I wasn't JUST watching TV....I was also CREATING SOMETHING FROM A SINGLE PIECE OF STRING!  BOOOOM!!  I had been working on a baby blanket for the new baby for a a couple of months before I came out here and got it finished during some long City of Angels rehearsals and some late night "Game of Thrones" marathons.  Then I made my first winter hat!  It went so much quicker than anticipated, so I've now moved onto a matching scarf.  I may be actually getting the hang of this knitting thing (Cue a big tangled mess of string happening at any moment.  Knock on wood!)  Good thing I have a built in knitting tutor in Sadie! :)

Alright, I think that that is a good sampler of what's been going on with me these days! I can't promise that I'll be less of a procrastinator in the future, but I do promise to TRY.  Until next time!

-e

"You Wish You Were a Mile or So from Michigan Lake, Home with Your Mother and a T-Bone Steak"

Yep, I sure did title this blog post with a obscure Golden Age musical theatre lyric.  But it felt appropriate!

Here I am again, packing up my apartment and trying to fit all of my belongings into two suitcases (and keep them under 50 lbs!  Yee-gods!)  This time I am headed off to The Marriott Lincolnshire Theatre to play "Mallory Kingsley" in CITY OF ANGELS!  I've known about this gig for a while, having auditioned for the show somewhere in between one nighters on the SMOKEY JOE'S tour - and many of my friends and family have caught wind, but it always makes me feel weird and narcissistic to post an "announcement" on social media.  At the same time, it's also weird to just Irish Goodbye from the city and say nothing.  Amiright?

I'm super excited to be in Illinois doing this show.  It's a show that I have been wanting to do for so long, but no one really does it that often.  You know how certain things occur and it just seems like all of stars have aligned and the Universe is giving you everything that you wanted but couldn't figure out how to make happen?  (Are you following me, here?) Well, this is one of those times.  Working?  CHECK.  Doing a bucket list show?  CHECK. At a theatre I've been wanting to work at for a LONG time?  CHECK.  In Illinois near my family for the summer?  CHECK.  Getting to spend time with my Brother and Sister-In-Law and Niece and Yet-To-Be-Determined-New-Baby?  CHECK.  Spending time in Chicago and Koontz Lake, two of my favorite places?  CHECK! CHECK!!

Things have fallen into place wonderfully with this show, I'm almost afraid to jinx it!!  Oh, AND one of my favorite people, Meghan Murphy, is ALSO doing the show with me!!  (I really am gonna jinx this some how. )

So if you can come and see the show, please do!! We will be running from June 10th- Aug 2nd.
CITY OF ANGELS at The Marriott Theatre

And NYC?  I'll see you in August!

-e

I Officially Love Something Vegan

I know, I KNOW!!!  What self respecting Midwestern girl would EVER entertain a cheese-less mac and cheese?  But I've really been trying to add more variety (ie: things that aren't meat, cheese and bread) into my diet.  My recent trip to California to visit my friend Lauren really served as a great reminder that I really do enjoy a healthy, well made meal that accentuates the freshness and natural deliciousness of REAL food rather than relying on heavy sauces and fats and salts.  That and the lack of my Blue Apron meals this week were all of the encouragement that I needed to try a recipe that I had been eyeing  for weeks.

I am constantly on the prowl for a Mac and Cheese recipe that I don't need to feel guilty about.  Because I LOOOOOOOVE Mac and Cheese.  It's like my desert island food.  I love it.  I could eat it everyday.  But healthy hacks always seem to fall short...I miss the creaminess and the comforting flavor and texture.  I was really beginning to think that it was a hopeless quest...

BUT (!), I recently discovered a Blog called Cookies to Kale that an acquaintance of mine, Synthia Link, runs.  I met Synthia while working on a choreographer showcase situation for Chet Walker and have since kept running into her at various fitness classes around the city.  She's the kind of girl that you look at her and think "What the hell does she do to look so good?  I need to know what she eats IMMEDIATELY." You know, the whole Slender/Strong/Ballerina/Rockette body type.  Luckily, she has started sharing some great recipes on her website...recipes that are often dairy/nut/meat free.  So naturally I expected it to be....healthy tasting.  I know you know what I mean.  But this Vegan Mac and Cheese, blew me away...and I can't WAIT to try more of her meals soon!

VEGAN MAC AND CHEESE
 http://www.cookiestokale.com/vegan-mac-and-cheese/

A delicious vegan mac and cheese that is kid friendly and easy to make! Fat free, vegan, gluten free, sugar free, grain free, and nut free!

Author: Cookies to Kale

Recipe type: Dinner

Cuisine: Vegan

INGREDIENTS

• 1 small head of cauliflower, chopped
• 1¼ cup butternut squash, chopped
• 1 tspn salt
• 1 cup nutritional yeast (you can use parm. cheese if you eat dairy)
• 1 garlic clove, minced
• 2½ TBS lemon juice
• ½ tsp garlic powder
• ½ tsp onion powder
• ¼ tsp turmeric powder
• ½ tsp mustard powder
• 1½-2 cup unsweetened coconut milk (or milk of choice)
• 1½ tsp Dijon mustard
• ¼ cup broccoli, chopped
• your favorite pasta (I used quinoa pasta)

INSTRUCTIONS

1. Spray a large pot with non stick cooking spray
2. Add minced garlic and cook for about 3 minutes
3. Next, add coconut milk, cauliflower and butternut squash, cover and bring to a boil
4. Once boiling, turn heat down to a simmer (leave covered)
5. Allow to cook (about 25 minutes) or until veggies are soft
6. Once soft, transfer contents of pot to a blender
7. Add remaining ingredients and blend on high
8. Cook pasta according to directions
9. While pasta is cooking, add broccoli (to the boiling pasta pot) and allow to cook until pasta is done
10. drain water
11. add desired amount of sauce
12. ENJOY! 

Now, confession time...I DID opt to go with the Parmesan Cheese option, so I guess mine wasn't TOTALLY vegan, but I really think that the full vegan option would be JUST as delicious.  Easy, creamy, tasty, deceptively rich...you'd never know if was full of veggies! (Even the Murphy family contingent would love it!)  Synthia, you knocked it out of the park!

Don't forget to stop over to Cookies to Kale to check out of even more nutritious and delicious recipes!!

-e

...In with the new (but LOL, this is so late...) aka Lighter Boots

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Yes it's March.  Sometimes I'm a late bloomer...I guess that a lot has been going on since my last post.  ...Back in December. Let's see...I went back on the tour for the beginning of January.  I have to admit that I was kind of over it at that point.  I still enjoyed doing the show, but it's really hard to come back for only about two weeks after being off for almost a full month.  And the travel on that last leg was ROUGH. Long flights, majorly delayed flights, a couple unacceptable hotels, MONTANA in the winter....Yeah, I was ready to come home.

So "See Ya, SJC Tour", "Hello (again), NYC".  So here I am back in the city. Starting a new year and a new chapter yet again.  I may have mentioned in a previous post that last year was just kind....so, so.  I felt like I started on such a good note and then just fell back on old habits and insecurities.  But hey, you just pick yourself up and dust yourself off and start again.  I'm not really one for New Year's Resolutions, but...actually I totally am.  I love the idea of getting a fresh start at the start of a new year, even if it is just an illusion.  So this year I made a list...things I wanted to get done, things I wanted to be... I have to say, so far I am nailing it.  Maybe I subconsciously waited til March to write this just to see how it all went...and you know what?  I actually think it's going really well!

2015 is the year of being happy and healthy.  I know, I know...isn't it always?  But listen, I absolutely believe in the power of the mind...call it the law of attraction or whatever (but not that "Secret" bullshit.) And I can occasionally be wishy washy, but when I do set something in my mind I am usually gonna somehow make it happen.  Things start to come out of the woodwork to aid me in my pursuit.  Which is exactly what happened these past couple of months...

First of all, let's talk about my friend Lindsey Clayton.  She's a star and she is someone with which I feel a definitely kinship.  We tend to be on the same page in life most of the time, for better or for worse.  So it wasn't a HUGE surprise when I came back home and Lindsey was also on a "happy and healthy 2015" kick - Lindsey had a major life change last year when she tore her ACL jokingly dancing to Taylor Swift (DAMN YOU, SWIFTY!) before one of her classes at Barry's Bootcamp and, as an in-demand trainer, it was really a huge blow that forced her to slow down and evaluate what was going on in her life. And while I didn't get injured this year, I kind of feel like I tore the ACL in my soul (**shhhhh....just go with it, move on.**) Things felt awkward and painful and stagnant.  I am reminded of a great metaphor in this book I'm reading right now. The main character, a young boy, often says that he gets "heavy boots" when things are tough.  And I get that. I had Heavy Boots for lots of last year.  But Lindsey had found and taken this Vedic Meditation course before I got home and told me that she thought that it would be my jam.  So I went and attended the Intro Talk with Emily Fletcher (a former Broadway performer) of Ziva Meditation.  I was sold in like 5 minutes and ended up taking the course that same week.  I'm not gonna get into the actual practice much, but it has definitely been just what I was looking for.  It always amazes me when things show up in my life that I literally just wrote down a few days or weeks before... I get a residual check in the mail when I have needed more money,  I book a show that asks me to dye my hair when I want to go from brunette to blonde, I get a job in Chicago just when I think I'd like to be home more often. It's really crazy.  And this practice has been kind of taking care of a lot of the esoteric New Year's goals that I wrote down a couple of months ago.  I have only been meditating for about a month, but I can't wait to be 3 months in...or 2 years in...or 10 years in.  And it's really nice to have a friend that is working towards the same goals I am...while still enjoying an OCCASIONAL (**shhhhh...just go with it, move on**) bottle of champagne.

I have a ways to go, and there are definitely things that I need to work out...but I feel awesome and in control and inspired! I also found a great Yoga Groupon, so I've been working on that...cooking more of my own food...taking care of my mental/physical/emotional health.  I've been working out a lot (again, huge kudos to Lindsey for always letting me use the comp to her class when I'm the most poor) and it feels good to be getting stronger and better and more grounded.  Cause, yeah, I know...New Year's Resolutions, Ugh! But isn't it better to at least TRY to be a better/stronger/healthier/happier/fitter/smarter/kinder/braver human this new year?  The other option doesn't really seem that appealing...

-e